Recently I spent time with a friend who endured a devastating breakup. I listened to her as she cried and tormented herself over a loser that decided to cheat. I found myself being flooded with emotions and remembering an all too familiar time in my life.
I truly believe everything we go through in life makes us stronger. Trials and tribulations are the key to molding us into the people we become. How could we ever learn to appreciate the most valuable things in life if we don’t know what it’s like to lose it?
Our journeys are meant to be shared. Why let someone else suffer when we can provide comfort?
We all hope one day we will find our soul mates. We imagine ourselves in story tales and get butterflies in our stomach when our crush walks by. Our relationships start out in the honeymoon stage. The world completely disappears around us and we feel an overwhelming amount of happiness and love. You feel on top of the world. Like nothing could ever come between you.
Our future starts to look a whole lot brighter and we make plans with our best friend. Marriage, a home, kids. We spend Saturdays curled up on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms binge watching British shows on Netflix. But then something starts to feel off….
Their phone has a lock now. When did that happen? You ask questions that make you seem obsessive and controlling but your gut is telling you something is wrong. This person you love promises you’re imagining things and now you’re suddenly wondering what’s wrong with you. Are you insecure? Are you becoming possessive?
That inner voice of yours is now becoming quieter. That once loud and confident tone starts becoming mute. You look in the mirror and start questioning the confidence you once felt.
Lies are just a temporary delay to the inevitable.
You realize and learn that the voice you heard was right this whole time. You doubted yourself. They made you doubt yourself.
Your entire world collapses. That ray of light is now an overwhelming darkness. You hate yourself.
Am I not pretty? Am I too fat? Was I too distant? What did I do wrong?
STOP RIGHT THERE. YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.
This is such a common occurrence when we have been cheated on.
We blame ourselves. We lose our confidence and self-esteem. We forget our worth.
We become obsessive. We stalk their social media and feel our heart shatter the minute they post a picture with the culprit. Our best friend of course reassures us how ugly they are and how they deserve each other. But no matter what anyone says it doesn’t seem to get any easier.
Night time is the worst. All the memories flash before your eyes. You forget what it’s like to sleep alone.
You forget who you are.
But I promise. It does get easier. Don’t hold it in. Cry and scream. Burn all the love letters and pictures. Delete all the texts and stop stalking their social media. Don’t hack their email and let go of their friends. Close the door and work on yourself.
They will come back. They will have regrets. But who cares. Right now, all that matters is YOU.
You deserve so much more. Cheating is NOT love.
EVERYONE DOES NOT CHEAT AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIFE.
Surround yourself with positive friends. Go get your hair done or go on a camping trip. Get away and discover that person you once were. The confident and happy person you were.
Stand in front of the mirror and scream. Don’t let those negative thoughts consume your mind. That is not you. That is your POS ex still controlling your life. Do NOT let them win. DO NOT waste one more minute on them.
Remember this moment. Never forget how they made you feel. This is important. Do not ever forget your self-worth. Don’t allow anyone to ever make you feel like this.
I was cheated on more than once. I thought I found the one. I went back more than once and lost myself completely. I became someone I did not know. But one day I woke up and reality punched me in the face.
You will have that moment. Anger will flood in and you will wonder “What the hell was I thinking?!”
When you imagine your future, their face will no longer be there. You’ll start to feel a small amount of hope. Maybe there is someone out there for you.
When you get to this point, I recommend you sit down and open up a notebook.
Write a letter to your future spouse.
After two beautiful daughters and too many wasted years, I did this.
I didn’t know my husband at the time. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I could ever let my wall down to be loved again. But I knew that I deserved that chance to be loved. This letter I saved would be given to the person I was truly meant to be with.
All the pain in my past was so worth the moment I watched this man read these words. Everything clicked together like a puzzle. I knew I had found my soul mate. My best friend. My better half.
When you find that one, you realize you never knew what love was. You thought you did.
“A real man will ruin your lipstick not your mascara.”
Tonight I want to end this post with the letter I wrote my husband…. Before I even knew he existed.
Dear Future Husband,
If you are reading this, you obviously are one lucky man! (And somehow have found a way to put up with my modesty and sense of humor). Before I continue I want to apologize in advance and thank you as well for your patience, your big heart, and for having faith in me. I know my stubbornness and lack of patience is something I need to work on.
As I close my eyes I can envision the ring that will be placed on my left hand. The ring is not just a fashion statement, an accessory. To me this ring will symbolize the love you have for me, for us. That you have looked past my size, the scars, my past and have found a way to break down my walls and get to know the woman I have worked so hard to be. Once you have read this you will understand why that last statement has so much meaning.
I have prayed for God to give me the patience to wait for the right man (you). To let me know you are the one when I see you. For me to finally know what true love is and for someone to love me for me, to make me feel special like one in a million. For if God has placed you in my life I know you have to be one special man. You are someone with a huge heart and someone who has the patience to be with someone like me. You are a man who will be loved and appreciated by me. I will always try my best to let you know how much I love you and always thank you for what you do. For all of your efforts and hard work will not go unnoticed. You will be my other half, my best friend.
You know I have been through hell and back. For this I remind you that I do not care about money or material things. I want you. I want to cuddle, I want to kiss, and I want to get butterflies when you look me in the eyes. I want things to be simple, for it is the little things that mean the most to me. I want to feel like no matter what we go through I can never imagine myself with anyone but you. Know if you are reading this that I truly believe when I am married that is it. I will stay faithful and will always be honest (sorry in advance again for I know I can be blunt).
Finally, thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, for making me feel like I am special. I am one lucky woman to have a man like you. A man who puts the biggest smile on my face. A man who makes me feel alive again. Nothing will come between us; no matter how hard it may be at times. Thank you for being my rock and for never giving up.
I love you,
Your Future Wife