For those of you who don’t know me, I have three children. Two girls and one boy. My youngest is two. Or I could be one of those parents and say he is 28 months old.
My little boy can be described as my favorite candy, a sour patch kid. There really is no in-between with him. I love Bubs to death, but he has always been way too smart for his age. Always one step ahead.
Today I am going to lighten by blog up a bit and tell one of the various stories I have about my “Boss Baby”.
It was a normal weekday. Bubs learned how to open the closet door recently, and managed to find a piece of candy. He came over and begged me to open it and of course I laughed. Um, no way! Sorry kid. I threw the candy on the counter and finished making my coffee. It was one of those mornings where everything felt rushed. Nothing seemed to be going right.
I couldn’t wait to sit down for five minutes.
My girls had their school gear packed up and were ready to head out the door. We all went outside and sat on the steps, like we do every morning. I decided to go back in quick to grab my coffee. That’s when I realized, my daughter forgot her field trip slip on the counter. The bus was early today and I panicked when I heard it coming down the road. I grabbed the slip and ran down the driveway to where my daughter was. It literally took me seconds. I was relieved. I prevented myself from receiving an email from the Kindergarten teacher. You know those emails that passive aggressively call out the parent? My favorite is when they send the kid home with a verbal reminder…
“Miss F. said don’t forget to send in the field trip money that was due yesterday! Oh, and she said you need to give me chap stick right away. It’s that time of the year she said.”
“Sweetie, why don’t you tell Miss F. mommy is the boss in this house….”
I watched as the school bus drove away. I blew lots of kisses as my kids ignored my presence. When did they become embarrassed of me?
As I turned around in the driveway, I saw my sweet little boy jolt inside and slam the front door shut. Then I heard the click of the lock.
Now, I’m not one of those people who have a hidden key under a rock or hidden inside one of those freaky garden gnomes. But what I did have was a garage door opener inside our unlocked truck. Because that makes sense, right? Except, I quickly remembered, that one was broken. I recently had switched the good one to the car, that my husband had drove that morning. Next option, other doors or even a window. Well, we live on a lake. So, EVERY door and window was on lock down.
So, there I was. No key, no way into the house and no phone to call my husband.
I walked up the stairs and peaked into the window of our front door. There stood my sour patch kid. He had a look in his eyes that told me we were going to war.
Me: Hey Bubs! Want to unlock the door for mommy?
Me: Bubs, come over here. Unlock the door!
Bubs: No. *Giggles
Me: If you don’t open this….
Bubs: *Walks away
At this point, I hear a kitchen chair dragging across the floor. Then little footsteps coming back towards the door. There standing in front of me, was my two-year-old and the candy I put on the counter. The same candy I told him he couldn’t have. He slowly opened it and started eating. During all of this, I swear he purposely made direct eye contact trying to taunt me.
You guys… It took everything in me not to go into Hulk mode. I even attempted reverse psychology, which worked recently for about two days.
“I bet you can’t open the door. Don’t you even try!”
I’m sure the neighbors thought I was nuts. Standing on my front steps. No shoes. No bra. Pajama pants and a Packers shirt…. In Minnesota.
After he managed to eat ALL the candy, Bubs unlocked the door and ran for his life. Smart kid.
This was the day I was taught a very valuable lesson. Never EVER have kids.
Okay, maybe never leave your toddler unattended is better.