No Qualms, No Remorse: Speaking Out

Shut down. That’s what I did most of my life

Survival. It was my only choice

Emotions. Something I lost long ago

These feelings I did not show

Flashes of memories consumed me for so long

An automated response to the sense of the wrong

So, I shut down. Disconnect

It’s me that I was trying to protect

How do you live when all you have known is death?

All you have wanted is to take one last breath?

Those moments in time that I was forsaken

Those childhood memories that were robbed and taken

They do not define who I am today

They cannot control every move that I make

For I am no longer stuck in my head

I have a reason to get out of bed

The laughter of children fill this home

Those children’s voices do not know

The evil that lies within my past

Their childhood soon will go by fast

I am a mother, a great one at that

I will protect them wherever they’re at

These feelings I feel will go away

It will take time but not today

And I am okay with knowing they’re here

Only memories left I do not fear

They no longer can hurt me and shut me down

I close my eyes and hear the sound

That pounding inside my chest is my purpose

My kids and husband they are worth it

To deal with the pain that lurks inside me

Because one day I will finally be free

No more pain and no more hurt

My perpetrator is buried in dirt

No justice was served when you took your life

You controlled me and I turned to the knife

To try to bleed the hurt and the pain

In hopes that one day I’d hit a vein

But you see I didn’t because I’m stronger than that

I grabbed that key from under the mat

And unlocked my future leaving you behind

A new lease on life I finally signed

I am not perfect and that’s fine with me

Because in the mirror I can finally see

That girl before me is ready to fly

I refuse to move forward and not expose your lies

This story I tell now is not only for me

It’s now for the world to finally see

That sexual abuse is not our fault

We are not responsible for this result

We will again find our voice

We will wake up and make the choice

For us to move forward and not to look back

This journey these words they are to attack

Monsters like you who kept us in chains

But that control no longer remains

This is not my story and that is MY choice

Today I take back control and my voice

 

Qualm

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